Generating Electricity

I know, don't faint. I'm blogging. I had the most hilarious experience today. Daytime enrichment. We bought new wonder tablecloths just for this meeting, so I wouldn't constantly be ironing tablecloths (the bane of any enrichment counselor's life). These are just like Mom's gorgeous no-iron, hydrophobic water beading ones. I love 'em...but this is the first time I personally have used them.

Now let me set the background here by explaining that static cling is not an issue we have here in Bellingham. High humidity leads to limp clinglessness most of the time. I still have the dryer sheets mom bought me when we moved into this house. Over Christmas I washed and dried the new table cloths without taking any anti-static measures. Unfortunately, because they're packed up hot off the rollers, they have pressed-in creases that have to be removed before they're truly no-iron, and I hadn't gotten around to that. So this morning I ran down to iron them for the FIRST AND LAST time. I had left about 15 minutes for this job, but I only needed three tablecloths so I thought I was pretty safe for once.

It's a very cold and snowy day today, completely atypical for Bellingham. Static cling is in the air. And a little more than static cling, as I discovered when I picked up the first tablecloth. It literally leaped into my arms and wrapped itself around the polyester UnderArmour-like under layer I'm wearing today. I peeled it off and attempted to stick it to the ironing board instead, combing it off my arms with my fingers. It stuck to everything it touched like saran wrap, and when I tried to move it I was getting painful static shocks! As I pulled it along the ironing board, a piece of it trailed on the ground and by the time I got it up to iron it, stubborn dog hair that had escaped a thorough vacuuming earlier in the week was plastered to the edges. Before I was half done with a single table cloth, my 15 minutes were up and I had to run to the church to beat my sweet little old ladies. If I don't get there first to set up, THEY'LL do it and it's scarier than a day at the skate park. We've nearly put a couple of my determined, fragile, celestial 80 year old friends into the hospital setting up and breaking down those three tables and 21 chairs, and no, they DON'T think it's acceptable to watch me do it!

So I ran to the car, tablecloths stuck to all sides of me, carrying and frantically trying to fold my ironing board. I was at the car before I remembered that Nigel or Tim had tried to surf on it last year and I had saved it with wire ties. No more collapsing. Throwing open the doors and folding seats one handed while still battling the predatory tablecloths, I managed to cram it into the car and race to the church. With Alex's help (he had an ortho appointment, but this is the only time I'll mention it in order to simplify the story), I got the tables and chairs set up and two tablecloths ironed, but the process was so painful I was almost in tears. Every time I reached down to smooth out a fold, I got a sharp and painful shock. And you wouldn't believe how many people shed hair in the foyer! The tablecloths were collecting it from several feet away like a magnet collecting metal filings.

I rolled some of it off with gobs of ancient masking tape out of the closet. The tablecloths looked very nice stuck to the tables, but the static situation was getting intense. I got out the third cloth and started on it just as my dear ladies started to arrive. One of them looked at me strangely and suddenly I realized that my hair was no longer lying docilely on my shoulders. I was having my own unintentional Van de Graaff moment stuck to a tablecloth in the foyer of the church!

Life so often gives you the chance to make others laugh. On a sunny, static filled day like today, that's cause for celebration. And a blog!