Today I was released as the Stake Music Chair (except it has some newfangled title which I can't remember--never mind. It ought to be "chair" since chairs figure large in the calling). This calling (that I didn't want) was the conduit for so many blessings in my life and today it was just a little sad saying goodbye.
The drive from my house to the Stake Center takes 12.5 minutes. I have driven it coming home from 6 am Stake Council meetings, praying fervently for all 12.5 minutes that somehow the children had awakened and gotten themselves ready for church since Tom was already at WARD council meeting and I needed to load up and get to our building in time to play the organ for a sacrament meeting that was starting right away. That particular experience was too painful to blog. I have driven it while overcome with the spirit, driven it while overcome with gratitude, driven it in apprehension and exhilaration, while filled with chagrin, amusement, and exhaustion. I have driven it--often--while listening to the combined BYU choirs singing "Redeemer of Israel" (I can definitely carry the alto part while driving). I have driven it at 6 am Easter morning while praying that somehow the members of the Stake would wake up and get themselves to the sunrise service--and I have realized, in a way deeper than words, that though they might not, even if we had prepared only for the Lord and for ourselves, the preparation was justified, and sanctified. I have driven it while practicing something I intended to say, while singing something I needed to (somehow) play, while weeping over musical beauty I hadn't imagined could exist among a little group of rank amateurs, myself included.
And I drove it again today, 12.5 minutes home from Stake Conference, singing along with the BYU choirs and realizing, incredibly, that this whole experience, this four years of what I often considered challenging service, was really, in fact, for me. I was the one all along. These four years were not my gift to the Lord. They were the Lord's gift to me.
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5 comments:
What a beautiful post.
Thanks for that, Jules. Reminds me a little of the mission (except that we choose to go on a mission). I left thinking that I could pay the Lord back and came home more in debt than ever.
Thank you; I needed that! Gives a bit of perspective while I'm drowning in PWD & B&G banquet stuff; some celestial perspective applicable from music to cubs, but maybe a little easier to come by in music instead of being surrounded by little earnest freckled faces and crazy toothless grins. Like the fabulous quote you told me that changed my whole church service! "We work out our salvation through our service in the wards and branches of the church." Thank you!
For you, JB, and always for me. Thanks for sharing.
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